M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
