FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
