Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
