I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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