Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
