i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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