You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
