So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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