I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How external is "for external use only"?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
