Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
