my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
