Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
