I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
