I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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