would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
