Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
