Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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