Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
