Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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