i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Oh god it's open bar.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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