i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
