I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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