Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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