And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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