what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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