I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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