i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Randomize
