Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
