You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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