Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
