Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
