i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
