Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
