I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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