so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
