Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
