making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
