I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
