entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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