i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
