every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
