Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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