Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
