just come out here and I will go home with you...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
