somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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