Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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