toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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