This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
