A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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