We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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