i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize